He doesn’t want kids, but I do. . .what now?

“He doesn’t want kids, but I do.” When you first hear those words, the first thing that comes to mind is cut your losses and move on. Frankly, trying to change someone’s mind about something as important and life changing as having children is nearly impossible, and why would you want to? It’s like trying to convince someone they want to marry you. If you have to convince them, it’s an uphill battle that shouldn’t be fought. So what’s your next step?

Being upfront

Knowing what each of you want upfront before you get too far into the relationship is one of the most important ingredients for success in any long-term union, and having children is no exception. Being on the same page is a strong determiner of future compatibility. If you’re not on the same page from the beginning, discuss your feelings with one another openly and try to determine if there’s any wiggle room for sticking points like children, where you’ll live, and what roles you’ll play in the relationship. “He doesn’t want kids, but I do” is one of those upfront game changers.

Change of heart

You’ve met someone special and he’s swept you off your feet in a whirlwind of romance. Everything about him is perfect except for one thing: he doesn’t want kids, but I do. So, what now? Conventional wisdom says cut your losses and move on. If you’ve gotten swept up in the relationship before you both had a chance to lay your cards on the table and now you’re hoping he’ll have a change of heart, chances are you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak. He’s being honest with you, which is more than you’re being with yourself at the moment if you think you can convince him otherwise. Some people just don’t want children, and you can’t fault them for knowing their own heart.

Chipping away

“She or he doesn’t want kids but I do” is the battle cry heard amongst men and women all across the globe. It’s an age-old battle between couples that invariably ends badly. If you think chipping away at him is going to have any affect other than alienating him and pushing him away in the long run, you’re sadly mistaken. Of course you can try it, and you probably already have, but wearing somebody down in order to get your way isn’t fair to either of you, and especially the resultant child from the relationship if you manage to get it. Chances are it will always be an issue and the child will feel it throughout their life. Children should come from a place of love, not threats, pleas, or demands.

Taking no for an answer

Learning how to take no for an answer is an important life skill. We can’t always have what we want, and learning how to accept this gracefully early on is key for healthy growth as an individual. This is no time for trickery and deceit on your part. Don’t “accidentally” get pregnant and try to trap him. This will almost certainly end badly for everybody involved, especially the child who is the product of this deceit. Pack up your toys and go home if the “he doesn’t want kids but I do” dilemma is an issue in your life together. There’s someone better suited for you out there who would welcome the chance to have a child with you, so go find them.