Why New Years resolutions don’t work in 6 memes

Saying you’ll quit smoking comes 2015 it’s almost as believable as promising to “start the diet on Monday.” Let’s face it chica, if you love tamales you are as likely to resist eating them on a Monday as you are on a Friday. Don’t get me wrong, fijarse metas, is great- but the New Year won’t give you super powers to stick by them. This, amigas, is the crude reality of the New Years resolutions.

• I will get in great shape this year: If your idea of the perfect body is that of Jessica Alba, just remember her job is to stay in shape- she gets paid for it. Fail. If you are only trying to get that hard body to impress the new chico in your class, you’re very unlikely to stick to your routine. Fail. Solution? Baby steps, chica, baby steps.

• I will travel the world this year: Unless your mami gave you a fat roll of bills for Christmas or your idea of “the world” is your tios’ farm in Arkansas, you better have saved some money in 2014. The New Year is not an endless resource of money. If you are waiting for your betsie to pay off her school debt so she can travel with you, get over it, plan your trip and travel solo, I promise it’s fun. 

• I will lose weight this year: No, this is not the same as exercising; you can be slim and still not be fit. If you have been incapable of saying no to arroz con leche in 2014, you need to work on your will power, not your New Year’s resolutions for 2015. If you have tried every single fad diet you have come across when googling “how to lose 20 pound in a month” and failed, stop it. Now. It’s not only unhealthy to attempt to lose such a great amount of weight in 30 days is also not sustainable.

• I will stop drinking this year: That’s how the resolution starts, then it turns into “I’m going to drink less”, “I will drink only on weekends”, “I will drink only beer and avoid hard liquor”, “I will drink but not get wasted” and so on. If you are “incapable” of socializing when sober, maybe you should use the money you spend on drinks on an awesome (and qualified) therapist.

• I will quit smoking this year: Quitting is hard and none likes to be called a quitter, I get it. It might take you couple of tries before you actually nail it. To avoid looking like Pinocchio (growing nose and all) don’t advertise it on top of your lungs comes the New Year. Convince yourself to say no, your actions will convince your loved ones. Motto: Quit smoking, die healthy. Pretty cool.

• I will save money this year: Bringing your own lunch to work is a great way of saving money, that can completely go useless if you proceed to go on a shopping spread comes Friday. I am with you chica, we all love shoes, and purses, and skirts, and necklaces and rings?But it’s either all of that or a bit more money on your bank account. Sorry, can’t have both.

By all means, party in New Years like it’s the last day of your life and make sure you have a plan on keeping those resolutions beyond the “magic wand” of the new-born year 2015.